


Lipstick and Liquor

by nickelkeep



Series: Nickelkeep's SPN Femslash Feb 2019 [13]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Feels, Claire is Mourning Kaia, Dreamhunter, F/F, Femslash February, Femslash February 2019, POV Claire Novak, Pining, SPN Femslash February
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 19:50:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17773178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickelkeep/pseuds/nickelkeep
Summary: It's been almost a year since Kaia's death and Claire is still missing her and longing for her.





	Lipstick and Liquor

**Author's Note:**

> For the 2019 SPN Femslash February.
> 
> Day 13: Longing
> 
> As always, constructive critiques are welcome and helpful.
> 
> You can find me on [Tumblr](https://nickelkeep.tumblr.com/) and [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/nickelkeep)

Kaia didn’t come back. It had been almost a year, but it still stung like it was yesterday. Now there was a rumor that an Alternate Version of Kaia was running around. Granted, Patience’s visions were subjective, and Dean wouldn’t give her a straight answer on anything. He did give her a bottle of Jack and two bottles of coke and told her to not tell Jody.

She had given the bottles of soda to Jody and hid the Jack in her box spring. If there was one thing that she had learned about the hunter lifestyle, you took your whiskey neat and straight out of the bottle. She hadn’t touched the bottle since Dean gave it to her, but Cas had come by the house tonight to talk with Patience. He spent time with her as he always did, but he wasn’t there to see her. She was the afterthought for once. The rumors that some version of Kaia was still around were proving more and more feasible.

Claire grabbed the bottle of Jack and stormed out the back door of the home she shared with her makeshift family. They all tried to comfort her when they realized that it wasn’t her death Patience foretold. They had all lost someone, they tried to tell her they understood, they tried to commiserate. Claire knew their stories. Jody had lost her husband and son. Alex was lost to her original family. Patience was disowned by her father because she embraced her gifts. But none of them had a blossoming love story dangled in front of them. None of them had that sweet first kiss taste with the promise of future ones ripped away from them.

Claire found herself at the creek that ran along edge of Jody’s property. She sat down and cracked the plastic seal covering the bottle and unscrewed the cap. She swirled the bottle a few times before she hesitantly put it to her lips. This wasn’t her first rodeo with Jack. She had done shots plenty of times. But straight from the bottle was new. _It shouldn’t be hard._ She leaned back her head as she had watched Dean do before and took several swallows. She gagged and choked, the sheer amount of liquid fire burning her throat.

She looked at the bottle of Jack, her hand gripped tightly around its neck. Her lipstick was smeared around the lip where she had taken her swig. Claire lightly rubbed at it. All she could think of was how Kaia tasted of vanilla and strawberries. She would rather have that flavor on her lips than the liquor she was using to numb her emotions. She took another long draw from the bottle, her throat effectively immune to the pain that was caused by her first drink. _How many more until I can’t feel?_ Claire laid on her back and stared at the stars. She had laid with Kaia like this, in the Bad Place. They had kissed only hours before arriving there. And then Kaia died, with their hands entwined. She couldn’t even bring her body back for a proper funeral.

Claire covered the aperture of the bottle with her thumb before bringing it to her lips again. She slid her thumb out of the way just enough to allow more of the whiskey to slither down her throat. _I want to forget._ She repositioned her thumb after her long drink, now knowing why Dean and Sam set themselves a rule of just this life, of not getting attached, of not falling in love. This life was meant for the lone wolf. This life was not for a young girl’s dream of happily ever after.

Claire reached her arm out, grasping for the first love she knew wasn’t there. Life had moved on, so why hadn’t she? She slowly pushed herself back up into a sitting position, careful to keep the world from spinning too much. Another look at the bottle and her mouth was wrapped back around the lip, drinking until she had to breathe. She pulled the bottle away angrily and threw it, the shattering of glass against a rock satisfying the ache in her soul. She couldn’t drink until she forgot, or until she was numb. There was no balm for the longing in her heart.


End file.
